About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
