I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
