Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So vagazzling was a success
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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