No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
