her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
