somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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