absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
