very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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