The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
