It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
