well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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