Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
