ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize