dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
