i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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