I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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