come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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