dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
