can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
