so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
