im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
