Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
