why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
