My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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