Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize