You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
whose ass print is on the piano?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize