Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
