whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
