Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
