its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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