Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
