feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize