FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's the barista slut.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The struggles of a small town man whore
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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