how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
