Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
