i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
