you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
