I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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