And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
