Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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