There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm jealous of your bromance
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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