Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
