Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
