well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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