I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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