bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
