just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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