I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
