do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
