the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
