I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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