I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
