I'm gonna have a badass scar
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
