NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
