Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
