We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
