Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
