RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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