they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just tell him i said nine months
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
