its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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