woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
