She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
