I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
