i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
