Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
