I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My brain says no but my pants say off.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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