Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
