so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
